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For those of you without sons, or with normal sons, this is a faithful narrative, a field journal if you will, of my time spent living amongst these creatures thus far.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Approx. 40" in height, weight 35lbs. Blond hair, brown eyes.

Extremely high strength to size ratioIncredibly agile, able to outrun and outmaneuver adults of many sizes and ages - especially when caught with any sort of contraband item.

Climbing skills unprecedented amongst other toddlerus species.

Verbal skills highly developed

PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS

Once verbal skills were acquired, talking does not cease unless eating or sleeping (note, subject often talks in sleep).

*Highly affectionate - this observer has noted rather aloof tendencies from other diminutive species living in the habitat (subject has a female sibling); this subject has mastered the art of hugs and kisses, giving them freely and with great enthusiasm.

*Aggressive - subject has been known to headbutt, kick, bite, hit, throw (quite accurately) and otherwise act out physically when angered.  I'm told this is normal, though this behavior has not been observed in other males of the same species.  Subject has avoided being left in a church vestibule many times by carefully tempering the aggressive outbursts with the aforementioned affection.  This has proven very confusing for the subjects handlers.

*Cunning - subject has learned the habits and patterns of handlers and takes full advantage of short bursts of time spent unsupervised.  See below for a list of accomplishments during these 2-5 minute intervals:

Sharpie Related Offenses:

Left his mark on the following items belonging to his handlers: Jeep, Dirt Bike, Quad, Commuter Vehicle, Mahogany Sleigh Bed. **Note to self - write letter to Mr. Clean Magic Eraser company, that thing is a miracle, it's gets Sharpie off of wood, plastic, metal, automotive paint, walls. etc.

*Skilled Escape Artist So far has learned to free himself of or allow himself into:  Cribs, Pack & Plays, all manner of "child proof" gates, all manner of "child proof" drawer and cabinet locks, deadbolts, car seat locks (subjects grandmother can't even figure those ones out!), doggy door locks (witnessed at 5am in the rain, jumping on the trampoline)

APPETITE: observer and handlers have yet to see the subjects appetite sated.  Subject eats approx. every 30 minutes and does not gain weight, is increasing in height quite rapidly - quite unsettling.  Handlers have had to lock pantry and refrigerator doors to curb between meal snacking - but to no avail, subject has learned to open locks and obtain food at will.  No food source is safe.

This subject, referred to as "Avery" by its handlers is capable of being so sickeningly cute, it has saved his life on several occasions.  Just when the handlers, we'll call them "Parents", feel as though their last bit of patience has been spent and they are ready to cry-scream-bang head against wall-drive car off cliff, etc. subject will say or do something to completely redeem himself and save the parents sanity for another day. 

Please pass this account along to anyone who may potentially benefit from it, let them know they aren't alone, there are other families out there suffering the joys of raising a male toddler.