blogs
Parental Supervision Required
So Chunkachoo has discovered 3 very annoying activities. As an almost 9-month-old baby his personality is revealing itself. How do you control or reprimand a baby? Is personality at this point a cause of genetics or observations? Here is a list of my complaints. Ez has begun to 1) Scream at a pitch that I have never in my life heard, mainly at 2-3 am just to FYI us that he's hungry without a warning cry 2) Throw the biggest and most horrible fits when he doesn't get what he wants and he'll he throws things and actually HITS! And 3) He’s learned that the human (mainly male) nipple is quite sensitive to his two finger pinch & twist abilities. I believe the most annoying thing for me has been the fit throwing. It's pretty dramatic with kicking, screaming and heart braking tears. I mean, you'd swear this kid is starving to death or in horrid pain but he's simply doing it because he ran out of Gerber puffs. It's odd. My husband and I bought him an expandable play yard so he has 34 whole squared feet to play with minimal adult supervision but once he sees us get close to it, he lets out a painful shriek and does not want to be put down -unless of course we go down with him. Reading this is making me realize how much he needs to be the center of attention but how do I begin to address the situation? He knows what I'm saying when I say "A LA BOCA NO! (Not in the mouth)" because he pulls it out and stares at me with that gorgeous drooling face. But how do I punish him without scarring the child and provoking pre-teen psychiatric therapy? I've already tried mimicking him and his tantrum gets worse when he realizes mommy can scream just as loud and stomp quite louder. Sometimes he doesn't even have to make a sound... the simple soulful tears do the trick. I'm not one to give-in easily and actually am a big fan of "tough love" but I can't seem to make it work.
Please, I beg all the skillful mothers, tell me your secret!!
Comments
You know, I hear kids doing this in the store and I think "Wow, Corey never pulled that with me." But he was the world's most colicky baby so I believe I deserved a little mercy for living through that.
Ez is not a normal bebe (as I have the pleasure of knowing the young man personally since the day he was born). Trust me when I say he is going to be a very high-functioning child who requires constant stimulation. He will, and probably already does, bore quickly and easily.
Three words: structure, structure. structure. I'm all about letting a kid be a kid. But more than that, I'm all about making it abundantly clear who is in charge. And it ain't you, buddy boy.
Now this is a little hard to define at Ez's age. But it's exactly where I learned the value of consistency. Meaning no when you say no, and never giving in after you've said no - even though they'll pull "but why, but why, but why" and make you think youre losing your mind.
Corey screamed in a store ONE time. I got so close to his face our noses were touching, and I looked him straight in the eye and said "We do not EVER raise our voice in a store." It wasn't what I said, because really, he probably didn't comprehend my words. It was the way I said it - firmly and calmly - that made an impact.
No matter how long your day has been, no matter how tired or PMS-y you feel, no matter if you have the flu - you absolutely must be consistent in every single word and deed. If you show a child a pattern, no matter how young he is, he will learn it and follow it consistently. It's not that different than training a puppy, really.
I see today how my groundwork has paid off. Now, when he's bigger and stronger (and he believes smarter) than me I still have the upper hand. He knows that the iron fist will come down and crush him like a bug if he pulls anything too far out of line. Other than that, I pretty much leave him alone beacuse he's a good kid. If I sound like a hardass, come see me in 15 years and we'll talk.
I don't think you can ever give a kid too much love and affection. Just remember that firm, loving discipline is the best thing you can do for them. We really did our kids a diservice the day we stopped asserting our authority. Look around.