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When I moved to Merced, I left a lot behind, basically because I could.

I left my family, my job, my home, my roommates, and my Bay Area upbringing, and I did it largely on a whim. I had grown up in San Francisco, gone to college at UC Berkeley, and settled in to graduate school afterwards at USF.

I had never lived anywhere besides the Bay Area, and had really only toured the Central Valley en route to various football games and parties in San Diego and Los Angeles. But I figured that if I was going to go anywhere else, I needed to -- and I felt like it was important for me to see what life was like somewhere different.

So I arrived in Merced with an SUV full of clothes, and proceeded to live in a motel for two weeks while I waited for my apartment to be ready. I knew no one, so I spent time driving around and exploring -- and also going to the gym. At night, I listened to the wail of the trains passing through town while I ate microwaved dinners and speculated on what might be about to happen in my life.

As it turned out, a lot did happen. I met my husband about two days into my new job. We got married just under two years later. Less than a year after that, I had a baby. I made lots of friends.

But I still don't really see myself as a Central Valley girl, and going back to the Bay Area to visit always reminds me that my roots are showing, so to speak.

This weekend, we took a little trip north to take in different scenery.

It made me remember parts of my past life that had basically disappeared since I moved here just under four years ago.

It made me remember too how many layers and stages a life can sift through. We're like people made of colored sand. You can't see all of the various colors and textures on the surface, but the surface couldn't be there if it wasn't supported by the foundation of the past beneath it. It made me remember how I got to be where I am.

It made me happy to be here but also curious about how things happen the ways they do.

Maybe it's just that I always feel contemplative in the fall.